Tuesday, November 02, 2010
#220: Get On The Snake
Seriously, all I know about horses is gleaned from the knowledge that they are often used as pet food, Meals On Wheels, glue and wigs for feral women. I have seen the skin of Phar Lap and it was impressive, and I did once see a bloody great Clydesdale piss a river to the amusement of many Japanese tourists and the utter disgust of my father. He was shocked that the tourists were taking photos of the Clydesdale doing his business and muttered how the little Japs had probably never seen a cock that big before. Truth be known, they weren’t the only ones. Other than that I know I can ride a horse but can’t make it gallop, and I know that my older brother once placed me on a horse in a paddock and rammed a twig up its arse to see what it’d do. I think I flew about twelve feet into the air before I hit the ground, all to the sounds of “Ride ‘em cowboy!” in my ears. I know that Lou Costello rode what looked to be a combination of cardboard and wood pretending to be a horse called ‘Teabiscuit’ in a bad movie back in the 1940s and Shirley Temple danced on the head of a pin. I also know that at this time of the year women Australia over wear the most ridiculous hats and cheap clothing. It’s the perfect excuse for females to throw on outfits that look utterly insane – in most cases they merely look like ten pounds of shit bashed into a five pound bag.