Saturday, September 18, 2010

#210: Shaddap You Face

Some books just make you chuckle at how crazy they are - and this is no exception.  Written by our good mate Norm Barber, he of the non-flushing turds, ads written on toilets walls and Professional Bum, this tome is as hard to find as anything that he ever wrote, and with good cause.  It's not that Norm couldn't write, it's just that he had absolutely no idea of writing an impartial book.  Actually Norm couldn't write anything impartial really, I think he'd probably disagree with his own name.

Norm hated, and possibly still does, anything to do with the Government and any form of social services.  Actually, I'll alter that, Norm doesn't hate the services, he loves them, after all he's lived his entire life on the dole and is a self confessed leach, but what really boils Norm's piss are the people who have to deliver those services to the likes of, well Norm Barber.  You know the kind, the world owes them everything, argumentative, arrogant, know it all - arseholes really.  But that's our Norm.  Norm is a bum.  Pure and simple.

This book has listings on several faith healers, and Norm promotes the value and benefits of engaging faith healers (even after telling people that they're crap, such are the depths of Norm's paranoia), all the time slagging off any form of religion (you see Norm once bought a dud motorbike with a 'Living Hope' sticker on it - it was God's fault the bike was a dud, not Norm's fault for not checking it out) as evil.  Norm also hates Yuppies - and I presume that the word 'Yuppie', in Norm's eyes, means anyone who actually has a job and isn't sponging off Government handouts and writing inaccurate shit for the likes of the Green Left and he really can't stand any sceptic who might have an alternate view on faith healing.

Having said that, if you live in Adelaide then try and find this book, and if you have a collection of Barber's musings, then let me know - I want to check out his 'How To Be A Derelict In Adelaide'.  And post it.  In the meantime, enjoy the words of Norm's preface to this fine, long out of print (and deservedly so) and incredibly paranoid tome.

Ahhhh Norm, if only you'd not taken all of those drugs back in the day.  I hope he's learnt to flush though.


Anonymous said...

You missed so many: How to Avoid Work for the Dole; Fighting Centrelink; his generic job application that starts with "I hate work"; Outside the Social Inclusion Unit; Homeless Wars; Disappearing Charity Donations; How To Have A Successful Nervous Breakdown in Adelaide; the hundreds of articles in Big Issue Magazine; the Nasty Side of Organ Transplanting (Norm hates this, too); Norm versus Eternity; the court appearances for criticising Israel in Gaza, etc, etc.

Anonymous said...

You do Norm an injustice. Totally weird, yes, but the mess you mention was done by the newsagent who sold dirty books from that kiosk on the street corner, just near the entry stairs to the building.

He was the culprit. It always happened on Saturdays just after lunch, when the man who sold shirts and ties wholesale on the second floor was in the store room next door with his girlfriend. I should know; I was the cleaner then. The dirty book seller did things unspeakable and that make my cleaning job there quite unpleasant.

You do 100% weird Norm an injustice by tagging him with that. I think he was sleeping on the roof of the building and became the scapegoat for anything bad that happened. He was based in the writers' centre and was publishing books criticising big money charities, I think.

Not sure where Norm ended up. Saw him last year hobbling around on sticks. Must have broken a leg or something. It would be great to have some photographs of Norm from the old days.

Anonymous said...

An old copy of How to Be a Successful Healer by Norm Barber was on the sale table at the Theosophical Society New Dimensions Bookstore on South Terrace in Adelaide last week (September 2011) for $6.00.

How to Be a Derelict by Norm is available at the South Australia State Library for free reading and copying.

Norm Barber is one of the finest provokers of Good Conscience we have ever known...


Anonymous said...

Just testing leaving an anonymous comment on this website.

Your Own Personal Jesus said...

I can fix that easily enough.

Anonymous said...

Would it not be wonderful to know the name of the coward who wrote this blog?

Mark Arstall said...

Norm barber is still at it, but now he just stalks homeless people and writes about it. Check out his latest literary master piece the "Adelaide homeless journal", get in quick cause he's gonna be dead soon