Friday, September 30, 2011

#282: Everyday I Write The Book

Words to live by and, if I'm being entirely honest, when I was single and on the prowl I adopted a very similar policy.  If I became interested in someone I'd ask a few questions, amongst them was the question of, "What kind of books do you read?"  I'd follow that up with something like, "What's your favourite book?"  If I got a stupid answer then I'd not bother taking that persons call ever again.  Call me mean, but hey, intelligence is more sexy than just big norks and blowjobs.  Trust me on that.  Once the nookie is finished you need to be able to hold a conversation, it's important.  I dated a few people with empty heads and after a few minutes of blank stares and debating the importance of Justin Timberlake, well, you just know it' useless.

I remember one such encounter well.  We'd had dinner and I asked, "Do you read?"  I got an angry stare back, "Of course I can read.  Whatcha think I'm thick or sumfin?"  "I'm not judging your literacy level," I replied, "I'm not asking, 'Can you read?', I'm asking, 'Do you read?'"  "Oh," was the reply, "why the fuck would I bother reading?  I stopped doing that when I left school."  I felt like saying, well why the fuck would I bother fucking you, but that would defeat the purpose.  I was already a bottle of wine in the hole, so, shallow bastard that I was, I took her home, did the deed and threw her out before the sun rose.  She never called me, I didn't call her, the world turned but didn't move and a space shuttle somewhere exploded.  I guess I was too smart for her and I know she was too stupid for me.

Thank Buddha The Bear not only can read, but does read, constantly.  I doubt I've ever had such engaging conversation with anyone I've had any form of a long term relationship with.  So, kiddies, listen to your Uncle John up there, if they're ignorant then leave them be - you don't want dickheads breeding who say things like, "I don't need to read, I'm about keeping it real!" - because you know they're going to name their kids things like Brittanny, Jaxxson, Hailey, Jaysun or Kingswood Jones.

In the meantime, enjoy the new blog lay-out, there's a few surprises coming up in the next few months or so, as I gear up for the holiday season.


No Win, No Pay said...

Mr Blog writer: Have you noticed the Queensland Supreme Court decision to force Google to reveal who writes their blogs.

Using a fake name and details won't be protection. The Court will go for the ISP and force them to hand over Even you know that.

Personal Jesus said...

Gosh, someone telling me not to write under a pseudonym who uses a pseudonym. Trust me pally, anyone with half a brain can follow some links and discover who I am. I guess that rules you out then.

Plus I don't live in Queensland.