Sunday, September 05, 2010

#207: Shang A-Lang

Dental health was optional
There’s a pack of fifty year old bags out there who probably still swoon at the sight of these heads, and I’m stuffed if I can ever understand why. Frankly I never saw the appeal of the Bay City Rollers – heads like bags of busted arseholes really – but the little girls knew something and would scream like fucking idiots and leave snail trails all over the seats wherever they played. And they played, a lot. Well, at least they looked the part on stage, I doubt that they could play the instruments that they were often shown holding, indeed the bass player looked about at ease with the bass as W.C. Fields did holding kids. But the girls would squeal.

I could understand bands like Skyhooks, after all Shirl and Bongo Bob were fairly attractive, but these guys, I mean, they look like they’d happily leap over the fence at night and knock your washing off. Plus that tartan gimmick? Please! Gimme a break. So I was fairly intrigued when I discovered this book, titled Bye Bye Baby. The book was written by a girl who spent the bulk of her teeny bopper years chasing these wankers across America, culminating in her actually having sex with one of these morons. I had to ask why, but the book does kind of explain things, even if Sullivan missed the point when it came to the mighty Skyhooks (she was introduced to the band by an Aussie boyfriend and spends a few paragraphs telling the reader how shit they were – and this from someone who claims to have seen majesty in the lyrics of Bay City Rollers? It’s like dismissing Led Zeppelin while exhorting the wonderment of crap like Great White). I can’t help but wonder which Roller was the gay one, as Sullivan claims.

Sullivan does tell an entertaining story though, and it is worth a read, even if the subject matter is fairly twee. But still, I just can’t see the appeal behind such a lightweight pack of fools. At least now the Beibers of the world have their teeth fixed and have enough fashion sense not to look like they should have numbers below their faces, or allow people to take photos of them looking like stunned mullets.

God help us, they may be coming back with a reunion tour. I hope it ends up like David Cassidy’s Adelaide concert, at which I think I counted about two dozen people. Still, that had a highlight; David stopped mid song to tell two females at the front to shut up while he was singing. Brilliant! Some things I’ll go to my grave never understanding, and this is one of them, so girls, educate me, what is it about these skinny bastards that makes you get all wet?

C’mon…in the meantime I've had a guess and I'm hoping that I'm right - Sullivan got it on with Woody...yes, Woody by name, Woody by nature.

Yes girls, they're probably still single...
Bullshit Alan
Sadly Alan's claim was a tad premature. He not only didn't have songs, he didn't have a career. Poor Al, he didn't have shit.

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