#116: Tigger Comes To Work For The Government
Tigger Comes To Work For The Government
CHAPTER ONE: Tigger Gets Shafted
“Bouncy bouncy bouncy!” squealed Tigger, as he bounced over to where Pooh stood. “Gosh I feel great,” he said, “because I have a job to go to and it's a job that not only can I do well, but I really, really enjoy doing. In this day and age there’s plenty of unemployed people and those who are stuck in dead end jobs. Not me! My, am I so utterly grateful!” “Well done Tigger,” said Pooh, “now you can just fuck off as your contract has been rescinded. Get your shit and get out.”
Poor Tigger. He can’t win. Tigger managed to land a job via the notice of vacancies a long while ago. Tigger came third on the merit list. The merit list is an odd thing, people are ranked primarily on how they present at an interview. It doesn’t matter if they have zero experience in the job they’re applying for, as long as they sound professional then they’ll win the long term and permanent positions. Having a sound background in tenancy didn’t help at all in applying for Tigger’s job, however Piglet, who had a lot of experience in social work and had more buzz words in his armoury than a swarm of bees, won the job instead. That Piglet had utterly zero experience in either tenancy or customer contact meant nothing, if anything it probably enhanced his chances as he wasn’t bogged down in jargon.
So Tigger sat there and did his job as his contract ran down. Around two months before he was due to end he was called in to see Owl. The discussion with Owl was great, Owl praised Tigger and said that Tigger’s work ethics and performance were amongst the best in the office. “If anything,” summarised Owl, “you might wish to consider not working as hard as you are. But seriously, you’re great and we want to keep you. Keep it up and you’ll have a great future.” Tigger felt a lot better after his performance review, but he did know that Christopher Robin, who had the last word on who’d stay and go, wasn’t that happy with him. Tigger and Robin just didn’t get along, but then Tigger was well aware that Robin didn’t like having tigers in the office as they made him feel uncomfortable. Truth be known Robin would have been happy in an office loaded down with doves.
Three weeks before Tiggers contract was due to expire he enquired about the possibility of an extension. Gopher had gone out on stress leave and had told Tigger and the rest of the office that he wasn’t coming back. “Sorry Tig,” said Owl, “I wish I could extend you, but we’re going to advertise the position. You should apply.” So Tigger went about working up the best application that he could. In the meantime Robin decided that Tigger had to go. The position was advertised but Robin had other plans. With a sneakiness that Machiavelli would have admired he advised Owl that not only would Tigger’s contract not be extended but Gopher’s position would be backfilled by Eeyore, even though Eeyore had no experience at all. The fact that Eeyore had never done the job was irrelevant, what Robin wanted, Robin got. Tigger left, blissfully unaware of the fact that Eeyore had already been assigned the position that he, Tigger, was applying for, thus making Tigger’s application an exercise in futility and dashed hopes as he was applying for a position that effectively no longer existed.
Tigger managed to get an interview and was offered a token position. On Tigger’s first day back Robin ignored him totally, but more on that in a minute. Tigger had been gone for a long while, but to Robin he wasn’t gone long enough. You see Robin had promised to deliver Tigger to the Bee Tree and Tigger never went. Tigger had gone on holidays instead and had spent several weeks bouncing around the place and this irked Robin, as Robin prided himself on keeping all of his promises, even if it meant treating Tigger like a commodity or a packet of old Jaffas instead of an actual person, but then, to Robin, Tigger wasn’t a person at all, let alone as important as a packet of old Jaffas. Tigger was just another faceless number in the machine. If Robin got his way Tigger would soon become a ghost in the machine.
Tigger returned to work on a limited contract and almost everyone in Hundred Acre Wood was overjoyed to see him again. Tigger was a popular little tiger in the Wood and everyone knew that Tigger would be there, day in and day out, and would do not only his own job, but also the jobs of those surrounding him, that’s the kind of tiger he was. However not once did Robin acknowledge Tigger, no welcome back, no hail fellow well met for poor Tigger. In fact Robin appeared to go out of his way to totally avoid Tigger. Then Tigger spoke to Heffalump. Heffalump had inherited a contract from Tigger and was due to end about a week after Tigger had originally ended. Heffalump was still there so Tigger asked how could this be? Did Heffalump win a position? “No,” said Heffalump, “about a week after you left I was advised to withdraw my application and I was extended for another six months or so. Isn’t that great?”
Tigger’s heart dropped. Tigger couldn’t understand why anyone would do this to him, even worse Robin made a point of speaking to everyone else in the Wood but totally ignored Tigger, even making a point of walking past him and refusing to make eye contact. Heffalump, perhaps sensing Tigger’s confuddelment and sorrow, joined Robin and began to shut Tigger out, as did a few others who resided in the Wood. This upset Tigger even more.
Tigger started to experience self-doubts and began to ask the others what was wrong with his work? “Why nothing Tigger,” they all cried in unison, “why do you ask?” “Because,” replied Tigger, “I was let go and others, who were ranked below me in the merit list or came into the Wood from other areas without any experience, were extended instead.” “But Tigger,” they all cried in unison, “Christopher Robin not only hates you, he’s an idiot.” "I am afraid," said Tigger, "what if I do something wrong?" "Don't do anything wrong Tigger," they all cried in unison, "and then Christopher Robin can't complain about you." That made Tigger feel better. Eventually Rabbit came up to Tigger and suggested that he might need to talk to Kanga and Roo over at the union. Tigger felt that this was a smashing idea and emailed Roo with his concerns. “Bastards,” said Roo, “I’ll pass this onto Kanga straight away. This is evil and we shall make Robin pay dearly for his crimes.” Tigger felt even better and settled back to see what would happen next…
END CHAPTER ONE
Coming Soon: Tigger Blows His Whistle
CHAPTER ONE: Tigger Gets Shafted
“Bouncy bouncy bouncy!” squealed Tigger, as he bounced over to where Pooh stood. “Gosh I feel great,” he said, “because I have a job to go to and it's a job that not only can I do well, but I really, really enjoy doing. In this day and age there’s plenty of unemployed people and those who are stuck in dead end jobs. Not me! My, am I so utterly grateful!” “Well done Tigger,” said Pooh, “now you can just fuck off as your contract has been rescinded. Get your shit and get out.”
Poor Tigger. He can’t win. Tigger managed to land a job via the notice of vacancies a long while ago. Tigger came third on the merit list. The merit list is an odd thing, people are ranked primarily on how they present at an interview. It doesn’t matter if they have zero experience in the job they’re applying for, as long as they sound professional then they’ll win the long term and permanent positions. Having a sound background in tenancy didn’t help at all in applying for Tigger’s job, however Piglet, who had a lot of experience in social work and had more buzz words in his armoury than a swarm of bees, won the job instead. That Piglet had utterly zero experience in either tenancy or customer contact meant nothing, if anything it probably enhanced his chances as he wasn’t bogged down in jargon.
So Tigger sat there and did his job as his contract ran down. Around two months before he was due to end he was called in to see Owl. The discussion with Owl was great, Owl praised Tigger and said that Tigger’s work ethics and performance were amongst the best in the office. “If anything,” summarised Owl, “you might wish to consider not working as hard as you are. But seriously, you’re great and we want to keep you. Keep it up and you’ll have a great future.” Tigger felt a lot better after his performance review, but he did know that Christopher Robin, who had the last word on who’d stay and go, wasn’t that happy with him. Tigger and Robin just didn’t get along, but then Tigger was well aware that Robin didn’t like having tigers in the office as they made him feel uncomfortable. Truth be known Robin would have been happy in an office loaded down with doves.
Three weeks before Tiggers contract was due to expire he enquired about the possibility of an extension. Gopher had gone out on stress leave and had told Tigger and the rest of the office that he wasn’t coming back. “Sorry Tig,” said Owl, “I wish I could extend you, but we’re going to advertise the position. You should apply.” So Tigger went about working up the best application that he could. In the meantime Robin decided that Tigger had to go. The position was advertised but Robin had other plans. With a sneakiness that Machiavelli would have admired he advised Owl that not only would Tigger’s contract not be extended but Gopher’s position would be backfilled by Eeyore, even though Eeyore had no experience at all. The fact that Eeyore had never done the job was irrelevant, what Robin wanted, Robin got. Tigger left, blissfully unaware of the fact that Eeyore had already been assigned the position that he, Tigger, was applying for, thus making Tigger’s application an exercise in futility and dashed hopes as he was applying for a position that effectively no longer existed.
Tigger managed to get an interview and was offered a token position. On Tigger’s first day back Robin ignored him totally, but more on that in a minute. Tigger had been gone for a long while, but to Robin he wasn’t gone long enough. You see Robin had promised to deliver Tigger to the Bee Tree and Tigger never went. Tigger had gone on holidays instead and had spent several weeks bouncing around the place and this irked Robin, as Robin prided himself on keeping all of his promises, even if it meant treating Tigger like a commodity or a packet of old Jaffas instead of an actual person, but then, to Robin, Tigger wasn’t a person at all, let alone as important as a packet of old Jaffas. Tigger was just another faceless number in the machine. If Robin got his way Tigger would soon become a ghost in the machine.
Tigger returned to work on a limited contract and almost everyone in Hundred Acre Wood was overjoyed to see him again. Tigger was a popular little tiger in the Wood and everyone knew that Tigger would be there, day in and day out, and would do not only his own job, but also the jobs of those surrounding him, that’s the kind of tiger he was. However not once did Robin acknowledge Tigger, no welcome back, no hail fellow well met for poor Tigger. In fact Robin appeared to go out of his way to totally avoid Tigger. Then Tigger spoke to Heffalump. Heffalump had inherited a contract from Tigger and was due to end about a week after Tigger had originally ended. Heffalump was still there so Tigger asked how could this be? Did Heffalump win a position? “No,” said Heffalump, “about a week after you left I was advised to withdraw my application and I was extended for another six months or so. Isn’t that great?”
Tigger’s heart dropped. Tigger couldn’t understand why anyone would do this to him, even worse Robin made a point of speaking to everyone else in the Wood but totally ignored Tigger, even making a point of walking past him and refusing to make eye contact. Heffalump, perhaps sensing Tigger’s confuddelment and sorrow, joined Robin and began to shut Tigger out, as did a few others who resided in the Wood. This upset Tigger even more.
Tigger started to experience self-doubts and began to ask the others what was wrong with his work? “Why nothing Tigger,” they all cried in unison, “why do you ask?” “Because,” replied Tigger, “I was let go and others, who were ranked below me in the merit list or came into the Wood from other areas without any experience, were extended instead.” “But Tigger,” they all cried in unison, “Christopher Robin not only hates you, he’s an idiot.” "I am afraid," said Tigger, "what if I do something wrong?" "Don't do anything wrong Tigger," they all cried in unison, "and then Christopher Robin can't complain about you." That made Tigger feel better. Eventually Rabbit came up to Tigger and suggested that he might need to talk to Kanga and Roo over at the union. Tigger felt that this was a smashing idea and emailed Roo with his concerns. “Bastards,” said Roo, “I’ll pass this onto Kanga straight away. This is evil and we shall make Robin pay dearly for his crimes.” Tigger felt even better and settled back to see what would happen next…
END CHAPTER ONE
Coming Soon: Tigger Blows His Whistle
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