My New Football Mantra.
I pledge allegiance to The Weapon.
Wherever there is an Essendon supporter claiming that they are not drug cheats, I shall scream, “WEAPON!” at them as loudly as I can muster.
Whenever I am at an Essendon game and Super Jobey is near the ball, I shall scream, “WEAPON!” just before I boo him.
Whenever Super Joby cries after being booed at a game I shall laugh and scream, “WEAPON!!!” along with the words, “DRUG CHEAT!”
Whenever an Essendon supporter mentions the Adelaide Crows and their salary cap rort of paying Kurt Tippett an extra $200,000 in Balfours Steak and Onion pies, I shall scream, “DRUG CHEATS!!!!”
Whenever an Essendon supporter tells me, “At least we’ve won a premiership this century,” I shall respond, “At least my team DOESN’T TAKE DRUGS YOU FUCKING DRUG CHEATING ARSEHOLES!!”
Whenever an Essendon supporter reminds me of what a champion James Hird was, and still is, I shall sing, “ME ME ME ME ME ME ME DRUG CHEAT!!!” and remind them that Hird was the reason why they are the first team in the HISTORY of the game to be removed from the finals. Ever. EVER! In the history of the game! EVER!!
I shall sing, “See the Bombers shoot up, up.” Each and every time an Essendon supporter tells me that they did nothing wrong.
And I shall, again, invite any piss weak Essendon supporter to come outside and settle things, like gentlemen of old, with fisticuffs, when they tell me to burn small delightful orange hats with ears.
Weapon, we love you.
Christ, I'm looking forward to the coming season. Bring it on bitches.